Sat 17 Jul 2004
An Expat Life
Posted by Ken Atherton under Daily Life, France
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The next few months will be a bizarre combination of busy and lazy that brings me to near paralysis. There is so much to do and with time flying by at an alarming speed, I worry about getting everything done. What’s my response?
Procrastinate!
Brilliant, isn’t it? There are vacations to plan, hotels to book, guests to prepare for, French to study, and a quilt to stitch, which at this rate will take me 3 years to finish. With the amount of time I have on my hands, I could have finished all those things and then some. Maybe I could have even finished a toothpick replica of the Eiffel Tower. (Hmm…. There’s a craft idea to look into) However, other things keep pulling me away. (OK, I go willingly.)
We have recently had two families working their way to an expat life here in Rennes. We have talked with both families on several occasions helping them with the preparations of their move. I am totally amazed bytheir excitement.
Beyond the headache and rush of the move, they only talk of the traveling and the life that they imagine they will lead. The daily trips to the bakery, always wanting to learn a second language, and the quaint little towns are the only things on their minds. On one hand, I remember that feeling, and on the other hand, I know the harsh reality. Ah, the expat cycle of love and hate. When someone first arrives, they are idealistic. Within a few weeks, reality sets in, they “hit the wall”, and become depressed. Common thoughts running through their minds are: “What have I done? Do I really have to live like this? How long do I have to be here? How am I going to eat this nasty food?”
The first 6 months are brutal getting adjusted. Living in a compact European city where you do not speak the language is hard. (Umm, DUH!) The next year is a blur and once a week you take time to count the days until you return home. Sometimes you find it hard not to complain about everything and become openly bitter. You dream about the things you will eat and do when you return home and how unbelievably easy everything will be. True or not, pure survival instinct tells you that you must believe this. As a defense mechanism, you block out the fact that you have become used to a lifestyle that you will not be able to have when you return home. Nowhere in America can you get6 weeks of paid vacation and several different countries within a days drive.
Unless they have lived it, people think living as an expat is a continuous cycle of thrills and excitement. Your life is pictured as non-stop travel. Nowhere in that image is the true reality pictured. Cleaning, household shopping, studying, surviving, coping, and adjusting are the real truths. I once read a quote from a fellow expat that said “I am glad I did it, and I will never do it again.” I think that sums it up pretty clearly.
So, this leads me to a quandary. In the name of saving those families from an earth shattering fall, to keep them from “hitting the wall”, do I destroy their honeymoon phase? Do I tell them all the bad news, all the frustrations they will encounter, and about the feelings of just wanting to go back home? Or, is it such that no matter how much I try to prepare them, they will “hit the wall” anyway? Is everyone entitled to that unrealistic honeymoon phase? And what’s more, is it essential to help soften the blow of the wall?
I have chosen to take a middle ground. I plan to warn them of the major obstacles, give them a list of the “must have” items from America, and keep a very close eye on the approach of that wall. Maybe I can be there to help pick themselves back up and get on their feet again. It seems like the right thing todo.
In the meantime, I will continue to procrastinate on my list of things to do, and enjoy helping them get ready for their new life abroad. After all, I have the next 592 days here in France to do the quilting and studying. Hopefully soon, I will have good company and wonderful conversation to do them by.
